I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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