I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
