The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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