in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
