I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
someone owes me an orgasm
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
