I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
