I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
