Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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