I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
