Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
