So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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