#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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