I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
