he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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