I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
