i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
