He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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