Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
