Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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