I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
