He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
