i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
