either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
