Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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