So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
