how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize