You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i may or may not be watching the land before time
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
