I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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