oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
