I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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