I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
