and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
