Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
