she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
