"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
