Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
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smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
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In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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