Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She bit a glass in half.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
