We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
