I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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