oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We had to coat check the pizza.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
