You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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