Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
