He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
