This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
