Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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