Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
