Nicole vs. Life
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
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