it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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