I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
