So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
