pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
