she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
