I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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