Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
