I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
