I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
