Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just found a bag of teeth...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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