i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
