just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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