I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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