listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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