Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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