I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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