I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
