we made out on top of his cat.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
