She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
