i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
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She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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