I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
