So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
