now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
