oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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