This girl is more easily done than said...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
