sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
