i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
