other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
