that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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