he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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