every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
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You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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