coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Let's get the cat blown out
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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