Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
