I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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