I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
