Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
