she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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