If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
