That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
