So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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